Goodbye Christmas Goodies...

Christmas is over!  I can't believe it.  It was a pretty good one overall.  Good times with the family, and LOTS of good food.  Mmmm...turkey...so I ate the world.  I tried to limit the amount of food I ate as much as possible, but really...it's Christmas...so did I limit myself THAT much.  No.

I meant to weigh-in this past Tuesday since my normal weigh-in is on Thursday's.  However; I didn't make it after work on Tuesday, I had to stay late at the office and ended up missing the meeting.  So my only other choice is tomorrow.  I am a little concerned about the weigh-in, only 2 days after Christmas.  But, it is better to know the numbers on the scale than be oblivious.  So tomorrow morning I am going to trek my ass in the snow to the weigh-in.  Not 100% sure how I will get there, since my car is snowed in, but I will get there and that will be my final weigh-in of BLBE!  Hopefully it will be an okay.

Hope you all had a good Christmas holiday!

It's Christmas!!

I can't believe it is Christmas Eve!!  Where did the season go?!?!?  I am very happy it is finally here, although a little sad once it will be over.  And there is TONS of snow here in Vancouver, and although I may be in the minority of the people here, I absolutely LOVE the snow.  I love walking around in it, I love how it looks on the branches, and I love the crispness in the air.  There is nothing that makes me happier at Christmas than snow.

Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you and I hope you have a great holiday with the ones you love.

Not a normal weigh-in

So Thursday's are my normal weigh-in day.  However; yesterday I left work at about 11am because I was not feeling well and I basically was sick and sleeping the entire day.  So I have missed my weigh-in.  I am not feeling much better today, so I am still at home and I don't know if I will be up for going to a meeting tomorrow morning.  I was quite upset about this as I know I was going to have a good weigh-in!  I had kept on track all week, tracking, enough liquids if we are no longer counting water!  So I was very excited.  I decided to weigh myself in at home, which I know is not accurate as the WW scale, plus, since I have been sick I thought some weight loss may be from that.  In order to be safe I decided to add 2 pounds to my total just to be safe.  And the result...down 1.2 pounds!  135.2  Actually my scale said 133.2 (the lowest I have seen in forever!)  So I am quite excited.  This upcoming week I know will be difficult to maintain, but hopefully I will have a stay the same.  I am feeling very on plan and on track lately.  I really think this new momentum plan has been the kick start I need to get back on track!

The Momentum Plan!

So at my meeting on Thursday I received the new books and info for the Momentum Plan.  Now...what I love about it.  LOVE the fact that I can just carry that one book around with me that has everything I need in it.  My tracker, my points/activity finder, my weight, point values of food.  FABULOUS!  One convient location.  

As for anything else to do with the plan...well it is essentially the exact same plan!  I will continue tracking and that will be that.  I guess it is useful to know that you are eating the filling foods aka: core foods.  But it really makes no difference at the end.  I just have a better idea if I have eaten healthy enough for the day.  Although I clearly can see when I eat healthy through the day already.

What I do think is a little odd is the fact that there are a lot of choices for liquids.  Water, milk, juice, diet pop, coffee or tea.  It does state that water is the best option, but I thought normally if you were to have another type of liquid you could count it as a portion of your water intake for the day, but it was not a 1:1 ration.  This works out well for me in some respects.  I struggle at having 6 (I prefer to try and get 8) glasses of water in a day.  However; I do drink tons of tea and coffee so I can easily get 5 glasses of liquids in through that.  I am still going to try and have 8 glasses of water because I do feel more hydrated with water as opposed to other types of liquid.

I am personally quite excited about this momentum plan.  Why?  Is it any different?  No.  It is the same, but psychologically I feel like I am beginning all over again and at the beginning of most things I am extremely motivated!  So I think this will be the same concept.  Plus, being able to only carry one book around with me I think will help me stay accountable and make sure I am tracking everything.  Now I really will not have an excuse not to!  

Tracking, tracking, tracking

I am getting very sick of this weight-loss dance.  One week I lose, one week I gain, and the cycle just continues.  I know the reasons I lose or gain in any given week, I just feel that I am at a point where I don't know if I care.  And I need to care.  I am not in my healthy weight range and I am not at a weight that I feel happy or comfortable at.  

I have vowed this week to just keep at it and take it one day at a time.  I find I sometimes won't track one day, and then I tend to blow off the entire week saying screw it!  But this week I will track, and if by some chance I "forget" to track one day, or I don't, I will track the next day.  I am happy to report that I have tracked both yesterday and today so far for this week.  2 out of 2.  Only 5 more to go!  And I even tracked when I ate McDonald's yesterday.  I didn't want to know the answer of how many points, but I figured it out and happy to at least know.  This way I have been able re-adjust some of my remaining flex points for the week.

Anyway, all I can do is to keep going and to hold myself accountable.  If I want this weight to come off, and to maintain the loss then I have to continue on this path.  And even though I have been struggling in the last few months, I know one day...one day...I will be at my goal weight and this time of my life will seem like a distant memory.  One day...

Motivation

Earlier tonight one of my favorite people called and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  Of course I said yes!  I am so excited and can't wait to celebrate her special day with her and I am honoured she asked.  So in May 2009, I will be flying down to Wisconsin and being in her wedding party.  I can't wait!

But...being in a weddding means a few things.  

1)  I need to save for a bridesmaids dress, plane fare, hotel etc.

2)  I need to get on this weightloss train and be committed instead of half-assed.  

Last November, one of the reasons I joined WW was because I was in a wedding earlier this summer.  It was good motivation, to fit into the dress.  So I hope this time around I will be just as motivated.

Starting tomorrow I will be back onto my tracking consistently, drinking my water and working out.  I am super excited and know I can be at my goal weight before the wedding.  Yay for motivation!!

Spinach salad please...ummm...this is the salad?!?!?

In my weight watchers meeting this week we discussed the people who sabotage us.  Now, I truly believe no one can sabotage me, except me.  However; there is one friend of mine who everytime I am around her I want to eat unhealthy.  She is very picky about restaurants to eat at and very picky about her food.  She pretty much loves cheese bread, fries, and crispy chicken.  That's it.  So I struggle going out for dinner with her, because I see what she orders and I get jealous and want it to!  So I order it, usually eat the whole thing, and then feel miserable.

Last night, she asked if I wanted to go out for dinner, I hesitated, but she suggested an italian restaurant.  Not the most points friendly, but I knew I couldn't have fries!  So we go.  I order a linguine pasta in white wine sauce, with prawns.  I decided to order a spinach salad as well, thinking I need vegetables with my meal and it will help fill me so I don't eat my entire order of pasta because I was very hungry.

My spinach salad arrives.  I don't know about any of you, but with a spinach salad I expect cucumbers, tomatoes, maybe some peppers, just normal veggies.  I wish I had my camera to take a picture of it.  But it was plateful of spinach, drenched in a creamy dressing and parmesan cheese.   No other veggies.  Literally just spinach.  Ummm...did I really just pay $6.50 for this?!?!  Yes.  Yes I did.  Mental note, next time read more carefully the descriptions of salads, and I have made the decision to no longer go out for dinner with my friend.  I can have dinner at home and then go out for coffee with her after.  Hopefully the rest of the weekend is better!

One year later...

Lately, I have not felt like blogging, or reading blogs, or exercising, or doing anything.  I think it has something to do with the fact that I am sick.  I took today off from work because I was feeling miserable yesterday and this morning when I woke up I felt no better.  I feel like I have a head cold and my brain is cloudy and unable to function.  Not good.  But I am beginning to feel a little better with all the rest today.  But I don't know what my rut is about in terms of lack of exercising and blogging.  I figure maybe I just need to take a little time for myself and get things done that need to be done (aka: Christmas cards, grad school application, organizing closet).  Hopefully I will get back on track.  I am still tracking what I am eating and trying to get my 8 glasses of water in.  My gym pass has expired but this weekend I am going to go and renew it and I think that will make me feel better and hold me more accountable.  I know this is just a phase that I have experienced before and I am sure I will experience again in this journey and I just have to acknowledge it and move forward.

In other news, November 21, 2007, I began my weight watchers journey.  I imagined what I would look like a year later, I would be either at my goal weight, or at least in my healthy weight range.  And although I am neither of those yet, I am still 26 pounds smaller than I was one year ago!  And that is amazing to me, I don't know if I ever truly believed that I could lose weight and keep it off.  I have had lots of ups and downs this year, both on and off the scale, but I am still doing it, I haven't given up.  I am ready to enter the next year of my life, equally dedicated to a healthy lifestyle, and weight-loss.

Accountability Time

This past week I lost 0.8 pounds.  I was VERY happy!  I know I need to really be more conscious of what and how much I am eating in order to continue going down on the scale.  For this week my plan is to really keep track of my eating, and hold myself accountable.  I also am going to get my water intake under control.  Goal is 8 glasses a day and I know I can do that.

In order to keep myself accountable, I need to acknowledge how my weekend eating went.  I struggle with my weekend eating, I feel I am able to "let go" a little because of a long week, or whatever the case is.  Also, since my weigh-in day is on Thursdays, the weekend is at the beginning of my week and therefore I think I have the rest of the week to make up for it!  Clearly this type of thinking has gotten me into trouble.  So here is a recap of my weekend eating (and it is not pretty).

Friday: coffee, orange, chicken, fries, bbq chicken caesar wrap.  Where are the veggies?  I don't know either.

Saturday: tea, oatabix cereal, milk, banana, chicken, rice, ham, yam fries, a few nachos, many drinks of sangria, thai chicken wrap.  Again, no veggies.  I think I am beginning to see a pattern here.

Sunday:  coffee, salad (yay!), soup with pasta and beef in it, bread sticks, a giant chocolate covered raisin (so yummy...)

So I know I need to work on my veggie and fruit intake on the weekends.  I think I get lazy and don't plan my meals as much as I do during the week.  So that is going to be my goal for this upcoming weekend, to really make an effort to pre-plan, and make sure I am getting enough nutrients in my body.  So here is to another week of learning to make healthy choices!

A Wake-Up Call

This post... Progress Evaluation Time  completely spoke to me.  Angie is right.  I joined the challenge to lose weight, to motivate myself, to have others motivate me, to know my excuses and still work through them.  Losing weight is hard to do when I make excuses all the time of why I didn't eat properly, why I didn't track my points, or why I didn't go to the gym.  These are just excuses and yes life comes up sometimes and circumstances happen that are beyond my control but I need to push through those.  I need to make weight-loss a priority.  I need to schedule my time better to pack healthy meals and snacks, and to make time for going to the gym.  If I can't make it to the gym, then I need to make time everyday to do some form of exercise.  Even if that is only walking for 30mins, or doing weights and crunches for half an hour.  I know I can make time daily to do that everyday.

When I began BLBE I weighed 138.4 pounds.  My weigh in on Thursday, I weighed 137.  In 7 weeks I have lost 1.4 pounds.  What have I been doing!  And the saddest part is I have lost more than that throughout the challenge, but I have lost weight, gained it back, lost it again.  All in all I have managed to lose 6.6 pounds on the challenge and gain 5.2 of them back.  CRAZY!!  

There are 7 weeks remaining on this challenge and I am committing to giving 110% of myself.  On the days I am tired from work I will still fit exercise into my life.  On days I am hungry and want to eat everything in sight, I will take a step back, evaluate, drink my water and make a healthy meal.

I will be in my healthy weight range or damn close when this challenge ends.  My goal has always been to enter 2009 in my healthy range.  I am the only one who can make this happen.  My loss, my gain, it's all from the amount of honest work I have put in.  The last 7 weeks I have been wishy-washy and these next 7 I am going to kick some serious ass and get this weight off my body!

Why oh why do I let myself get carried away?

After my weigh in this week, where I gained 3.2 pounds (crap) I decided I really need to focus on what is important.  Why am I spending money at ww week after week if I really don't make a good effort all the time?  It is different if I ate properly and excerised and I gained.  But when I don't do that, and when I have cookies the day before my weigh in...that is a problem.  And I don't even really like cookies?!?!?  Well not that kind at least, so why did I have 7.  

So this week I am committed to eating properly, drinking 2 litres of water a day and tracking everything.  I did well yesterDAY, however; then I had a halloween party to go to.  And the party consisted of lots of snack food: chips and dip, bite sized sausage rolls, cupcakes, sugar cookies (my favorite type of cookie), and tons of candy!  Not to mention all the drinks I consumed...

I did go to the gym yesterday and I will go tomorrow, so although I am not sure how many points I ate last night, I am just going to say all my flex points are gone for the week and just stick with my daily points limit.  I am so close to my healthy weight range, I need to buckle down and give this 110% of my effort.  No more grabbing a bite of something here and there, no more eating chocolate candy with the rationale "it's Halloween!"  I don't usually go for chocolate during the rest of the year, why would I need it now?  Or if I do crave chocolate, I need to remember to buy some really good chocolate, because the halloween ones are not satisfying, which leads me to eat more.

Anyway, those are my goals for this week.  Hold myself accountable.

No weigh-in for me...

Well Thursday's are my normal weigh-in days and this Thursday I had dinner plans with a few girls from work.  But I had decided to go weigh-in,  and leave and meet the girls.  However; plans do not always work out that way.  I was running late at work, had to go visit one of my clients at the hospital, and then head back to the office and clean up.  Unfortunately, by the time I got to the office it was basically time for my weigh-in to begin, and it is kinda far away from where we were going for dinner.  So I decided to skip it.  Maybe not the smartest idea, but I know I will be back there next week. 

In other news, my eating has not been the best lately.  This whole past week at work I ate out everyday for lunch.  Not like me at all!  I made healthy choices for the most part, but still.  Eating out is bad for my weight and my budget!  So I have already gotten my lunch ready for tomorrow and planned out my meals so I won't run into any trouble.  I am also planning on being organized and going back to the gym this week.  The gym and I have been having a little break for the last couple of weeks from one another.  It has really just been out of laziness and poor organization on my part that I haven't been going.  So I am packing my gym bag tonight, and putting it in my car, so I will have no excuse to not go straight after work tomorrow.  I always feel so much better and healthier when I go, but I struggle with the motivation to go.  I wish there would just be a time when it was second nature and habit and that I would like to go.  Hopefully one day.  

Up and Down

The past few weeks I have not been feeling good.  I've been sick, not happy with work, unsure of what direction to go in my life, been sad about my break-up which occurred 6 months ago and I have just not been happy in general.  I know my mood has effected all areas of my life, from work and friendships, to my eating habits and workout routine.  I haven't been tracking, I haven't been drinking enough water, I haven't been exercising.  I just sort of felt that I really didn't want to deal with anything.

Then on Saturday, I decided to organize my room.  I threw out things I no longer needed, gave away clothes that no longer fit (YAY!) and was able to put away pieces of my past so to speak.  Since then I have felt like an entirely new person.  I am happy at work, happy at home, happy with my weight and really wanting to commit to this journey again.  I know this feeling won't last forever, so I need to cherish and take advantage of it when I can.  But I am just feeling really optimistic and positive today.  As I was giving away clothes that no longer fit, and trying on clothes that used to be too small, I thought I really can do this.  I really can be healthy.  I feel I am entering a new era in my life and I am so excited to see where it takes me.  I don't know what will happen at my weigh-in on Thursday; I may lose, I may gain.  I hope to lose as I want that scale to continue to go down.  But with the way I am feeling today, even if it was a gain it would be okay.  I can only do my best and if I give it 100% then that is all I can ask of myself.  So I am going to give it my very best, and if I do that, then I will succeed.

Weigh-In

Well I was a little afraid of the scale this week, because of Thanksgiving and because I didn't make it to the gym.  However; the scale was kind to me.  Down 2.6lbs!  It is likely because I was so sick the last few days, that I have not been able to eat a lot.  But still it's a pretty sweet loss!  

I am now within 7lbs of my healthy weight range.  Wow.  7 pounds and then I am technically healthy.  That seems amazing to me.  Although that is not my final goal, and I still have 20lbs before I reach my final goal, but for the first time in a long time I feel like this is really do-able.  I really will lose the weight and keep it off.  At times I just can't believe it.  I look in the mirror and I still see fat and imperfections, which I am sure I will always see, even once I am at my goal weight.  But I am beginning to see the new me at the same time.  The new healthy Fiona.  I know it has taken me a long time to lose this weight, 11 months and counting.  But I know that I will be able to maintain it and I know that I am losing this weight once and for all and I know I am losing it for the right reasons.  And that's a pretty good feeling.

The best laid plans...

I have this week off from work.  So my wonderful plan was to go to the gym everyday, as well as enjoy the wonderful fall weather when not raining and go for plenty of walks.  I also need to organize my room and give some clothes and other things away.  Plus, I was looking forward to catching up with everyones blogs.

The weekend didn't quite go according to plan...but it was Thanksgiving after all so I allowed for that fact.  I was going to begin Monday.  Monday came and went, and I met up with a friend to go over grad school applications.  I was planning on going to the gym after that, forgetting it was a holiday and my gym closed early.  So that brings me to Tuesday.  I did get a tiny bit of work done on organizing my room.  Unfortunately...even though I was on vacation, some things went down at work and I had to do some work at home and then go into the office and finish it up.  I was not a happy camper.  Plus, by this time I wasn't feeling so great.  When I got home my stomach didn't feel well so I took it easy.  Then today, I woke up feeling terrible.  Sick, sick, sick.  Could hardly eat anything.  Could barely stand in the shower.  So no gym for me.  I am hoping tomorrow I feel a little better so I can at least go for a walk or something!  This is what happens when I procrastinate.  Had I just gone to the gym on the weekend and Monday as planned, it wouldn't be so bad, but now I haven't been to the gym in about a week.  I just feel sluggish.  Oh well, I can only take it one day at a time.  

Weigh In and Weekend

I had my weigh-in on Thursday.  Down 0.6.  Not bad.  Although, I was expecting more.  I had weighed myself at home the previous day and I was down about 2.5 pounds.  Granted, I know my scale and the ww scale is a little different, but I was expecting to hit at least 1lb!  But a loss is a loss, and I will take it.

As for this long weekend.  I am a little nervous about how it will all play out.  My original plan was to save pretty much all my flex points for Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday!  But then last night I went to a friends for dinner.  I already didn't have a lot of dinner points left and we had Shepard's Pie (so good), salad, cheese bread, and ice cream cake for desert.  Well shoot.  That went  into my flex points.  

Today my plan is to eat well, go to the gym to earn some extra points.  Then tonight I am going out for drinks and dancing for a friend's birthday.  So hopefully I will be able to control myself and stay within my points.

Then tomorrow I will go to the gym before dinner to earn some points.  We have also decided as a family to go out for Thanksgiving dinner this year instead of make it at home.  This is actually positive, as there will be no left-overs around the house.  Also, the place we are going you can chose from 3 different starters, 3 different entrees, and 3 different deserts.  I don't know what the choices are yet, but at least this way I can try and make the healthiest choice possible.  

I am also off from work this upcoming week (woo-hoo!!)  I decided to take the week off because I had some extra vacation time and I really want to organize my house and get rid of things I don't need anymore.  So I figured this would be a good opportunity.  Plus, since I am home this week I really will have no excuses of "I'm too tired to go to the gym!"  I will have all the time in the world.

Hope everyone has a great long weekend!!

Pounds Vs. Kilograms

I have a digital scale at home, and it is usually in pounds as that is what I weigh myself in.  However; it does have the option of both pounds and kilograms.  Lately, I have been all into the kilograms.  I don't know why.  Partly I think it is because pyschological it is easier for me to see the smaller number of the  kilogram.  Well this morning, I weigh myself (I have problem and weigh myself everyday).  So I weigh myself, I weigh 61.7 kilograms.  Sweet.  I know that is around mid 130's, likely around 136/137.  I decide to switch the setting on my scale and do pounds to find out the exact amount, instead of getting a calculator and multiplying it by 2.2.  Switch the scale.  And what is the number that is shown?!?!?!?  142 pounds.  Huh?  I get a calculator 61.7 * 2.2 = 135.7.  I'm confused.  Is my scale broken?  What do I really weigh?  Did I gain weight?  Or lose weight?  Now I realize it doesn't actually matter what my scale says, it only matters what the weight watchers scale says on Thursday evenings.  But I just want to know!  Annoying.

In other news.  It is an absolute GORGEOUS day here!  So I am going to go for a walk and go to the gym.  I LOVE the autumn weather.

Weigh-In and Goals

Well I had my weigh-in on Thursday night.  I gained 2 pounds.  It was too be expected after a week of kinda letting loose with my eating, but I was still disappointed with myself.  I don't know why I would sabotage myself after so much hard work.  

But...this is a new week.  Angie wanted us to focus on a goal for the upcoming week, and after a lot of thinking, I have decided to give myself a goal every week for the remainder of the challenge.  This week's goal:  WATER

This is something I struggle with and I really don't know why.  I love water.  I really do.  I don't usually get bored with it, I love the cool refreshing taste and feeling.  Yet, everyday I struggle with drinking at least 4 glasses!  I have no excuse for this.  I have water bottles.  We have water coolers at work, one right outside my office.  So I have no excuse not to drink enough.  So my goal is to have 8 glasses of water a day, except for gym days when I will have between 10-12 glasses.   This is completely doable and I know I can do it.

In other news.  On Thursday night, I had a ice satisfying dinner, and after dinner I was craving something sweet.  So I searched my house, didn't really find anything, so I left the kitchen thinking the craving would just go away.  Plus, how was I supposed to satisfy it would no food?After about an hour, the craving was stronger, but I noticed that my stomach was full.  So even if I had food, it would satisfy the craving, but most likely upset my stomach because I was full.  It was almost as if my mouth was craving the sweet, if that makes any sense.  So in the end after not being able to concentrate on anything I had some tea with sugar (usually I don't have sugar in my tea).  And it was WONDERFUL!  My craving was completely satisfied and I didn't stuff myself with food!  Yay!  And now I am off to get some water.  My body feels dehydrated.

Why do I do this to myself?!?!?

I don't know what my problem has been lately.  I have been feeling really unmotivated.  Unmotivated to go to the gym, to eat healthy, to blog and to read others blogs.  I don't know what it is from...but it needs to stop!

Today I had one candy, why?  Did it really taste that good?  No!  Why did I waste points on that!  But then after I ate it, I said in my head, well I already know this week is going to be a bad weigh-in, because my eating/tracking has been out of control, so I may as well have another piece of candy!  The same damn candy that really was not very good!  But did I stop at one more piece...of course not.  I don't know how many pieces I had.  5, 6, 7, 8.  I lost track.  I don't know why I do that to myself.  Why do I let all my hard work go to hell for nothing!  I am frustrated with myself.

I know all I can do is take it one day at a time.  I know I will need to face that scale tomorrow night, and it will not be pretty.  I weighed myself tonight, and I have a gain thus far.  So I am expecting it, but I am really just disappointed with myself that I would let all the hard work go.  Starting now I am committed to staying on points, drinking my water, and going to the gym.  I can only do the best I can do, and I want to do my best.  I have felt tired, and heavy these last few days and I think it is because of the food I am eating.  So I know my body is rebelling against my old food habits and I need to have a healthy body for me.

Way off Points!

So today did not quite go as planned.  I hardly ate anything I intended to eat.  The day began alright.  I think it all went downhill when I splurged and had a pumpkin spice latte no whip.  I usually get non-fat, but I decided that I would get regular today.  I only got a tall, so I didn't think it would be a big deal.  I knew I would look up the points value when I got home and work it into my day.  Points value = 6!  What!  It was only a tall!  

But really, before my latte I had a bun with the hotdog in the middle.  Someone at work brought in all these pastries and I gave in and chose that one.  I wasn't sure how many points that was, so I estimated and said 6, because of the size.  The rest of the day I was good at work.  But then I came home and didn't feel like what I planned on having.  So I ate some fish.  Then 2 slices of bread and some cheese.  And I find cheese really hard to estimate for points.  I know you are supposed to go by the size and thickness of your thumb, but who can only have one slice of cheese the size of your thumb and stop?!?!?!  Not me!!  So I estimated I ate 10 points worth of cheese.  And that was a conservative estimate.  And then I proceeded to washed that down with a muffin.  By the end of that eating session, I tallied up my points, and I went over my points by 24!!  You heard me right...24!  Needless to say, it will be a tough week!  Ha!

But at least I have the flex points to use and I typically go crazy on the weekend, because I feel I am entitled and I can.  I will just have  to be careful for the rest of the weekend to ensure I don't go over.

Plan for tomorrow:

Breakfast

1/2 cup cottage cheese - 2 pts

Apple - 2pts

Tea - 0 pts

2 glasses of water

4/19

Snack

1 cup yogurt - 2pts

2 glasses of water

6/19

Lunch

Salad - 0pts

Egg - 2 pts

2 glasses of water

8/19

Snack

Banana - 2pts

Tall non-fat Latte - 3 pts

2 glasses of water

13/19

Dinner

Chicken - 4pts

1/2 cup corn - 1pt

Brocoli - 0pts

1/2 cup rice - 2pts

2 glasses of water

20/19

Snack

Fruit...to be determined... - 2pts

22/19

I am also planning on going to the gym tomorrow and earning 2-3 activity points.  If for some reason I do not make it to the gym then I will not have a snack after dinner, to ensure I stay on points, or I will scrap the latte.  But I think I will want that, so I need to go to the gym.  And I will.

Drumroll Please...

Weigh-in Results: -2.2

I am super excited!!  I was a little worried about this weigh-in, since I went a little over points.  But I managed to get my workout in yesterday (and thanks for the comments reminding me that I need to get my butt to the gym!)  AND...I set a goal for myself that once I hit my 137 pounds mark, I would get to buy a new shirt or two, and I hit that goal tonight.  So I get to go shopping on Saturday.  

My food plan for tomorrow is as follows:

Breakfast

1/2 cottage cheese - 2 pts

Apple - 2 pts

Coffee - 2pts

2 glasses of water

6/19

Snack

1 cup yogurt - 2 pts

2 glasses of water

8/19

Lunch

Salad - 0pts

1/2 cup tuna - 3 pts

Balsamic Vinegar - 0pts

2 glasses of water

11/19

Snack

1 cup yogurt - 2 pts

Tea - 0pts

2 glasses of water

13/19

Dinner

1/2 cup rice - 2 pts

1/2 cup corn - 1pt

Fish - 3 pts

Tea - 0pts

2 glasses of water

19/19

Lets hope I can stick to it.  Actually let me re-phrase that.  I know I can stick to this plan!

Over flex points and feeling ill

Time for a little honesty...with myself...

So I do weightwatchers, watch my points, use my activity and flex points.  By this past weekend I had used all my flex points, which sucks as my weigh-in day is Thursday evenings, so to have used all my 35 extra flex by Sunday evening...yeah.  In fact, I think I was actually over my flex points by Sunday evening.  Anyway, I was doing okay, I knew I would have to be really careful to track everything I ate until I weigh-in.  Then yesterday, I strayed off points a little (about 3 pts).  Which sucks, as I don't have any extra flex points to use!  I could have gone to the gym...but did I?  No.  But I decided that I would eat well and stay on points tomorrow aka: today, and go to the gym.

Moving on to today.  I had a good breakfast, lunch, snack.  I was very prepared.  And then what happens?  I had 2 bite-size wonderbars.  Okay, not terrible, although...don't really have the points for them, but I figured, I would just have to have a really low points dinner.  

But then I went out for dinner.  I wish I could say dinner was unexpected, last minute plans, but I knew for a few days I was going to go.  I had never been to this restaurant before, so I couldn't really pre-plan my meal, but I could have made healthier choices.  So what did I chose?  The spinach salad?  No.  The vegetable soup with a sandwich?  No.  I chose tomato soup with grilled cheese.  Not totally terrible if you think about it, however; the tomato soup...I saw the oil in it!  WTF?  Who puts so much oil in their tomato soup that you see the oil?  And the grilled cheese, well...my hands could feel the oil.  And although at times I was a little grossed out eating it, not because it tasted bad, but because of the grease...but I didn't stop.  I ate it all.  And then I felt ill.  I was planning on going to the gym after dinner, had my gym bad packed and in the car.  But my stomach felt terrible and full.  Is this an excuse?  Possibly...but really it is almost 11pm here, I ate at 6pm, and I am still STUFFED!  And my stomach is still a little queasy. 

People on their blogs have commented that they are all or nothing type people.  So am I.  I could have stopped at half my meal and felt full, satisfied, but no.  I felt I needed to finish it.  What is with that?  So that is something I am going to try to work on.  Really listening to my body and what I want, need to be healthy.

My plan for tomorrow is to stay on points, and go to the gym.  I usually have coffee in my morning for 2 pts, but tomorrow I will substitute it for tea 0 pts, to try and make up a little for going so far over my flex points.  I will also really focus on fruits, and veggies.  I haven't calculated exactly how many points I am over.  The last time I checked...yesterday...I think I was about 6 flex points over for the week, so I am likely up about 10 flex points over?  Maybe more.  Oh goodness...but tomorrow is a new day, and I know I can stay on points.  I also think it was a good lesson for me, because honestly...my stomach feels quite bad, and I think it is because I haven't put that much grease/bread (I have to limit my wheat intake due to excema) into my body in a long time.  I guess my body really is learning to love the healthy choices!  

Before Pictures

Well the Biggest Loser Challenge officially begins today.  I am feeling really motivated and excited and nervous about the challenge.  I think it is going to be amazing and really help me solidify my goals.  

For the challenge we are supposed to post before pictures and then in 3 months, post our after pictures.  I decided to post a picture from last summer - June, 2007 to help me remember how far I have come.  It is the picture on the left.  I don't know my exact weight at that time, but likely around my heaviest, which was 162.4  The picture on the right is from this past June, and I weighed about 1 pound more than I currently do, around 139.6.  I'm really excited to post a picture at Christmas to compare of my hard work and the results!  And having said all that, I am going to go make myself a healthy lunch, and prepare my lunch for work tomorrow.  Happy Sunday!

The challenge begins!

Well I decided to join Angie's Biggest Loser Challenge

I figured it would help keep me accountable, and really motivate me to lose this weight.  Since the summer I have been struggling with my weight loss, gaining a pound or two, then losing that weight.  But I am sick of yo-yoing through my weight.  I want to be a healthy weight once and for all.

By far my biggest weaknesses are the gym.  Once I am at the gym...I love it!  But the motivation to go after work is hard and I can't seem to wake up early enough to go in the morning!  I have decided as part of this challenge for myself, I am going to go to the gym 3 days a week.  It seems completely do-able, but I certainly use excuses to not go.  Most of the time the excuses are I'm tired from a long day of work.  I also have a problem that if I don't go to the gym right after work, then I won't go.  I figure, by the time I get home, have dinner, it is too late to go to the gym.  Which really makes no sense as my gym is open til 10pm!  I also make the excuse that since I only go 3 days a week, I don't have to go today...I can go tomorrow!  So that is what I need to be held accountable to.  Getting my ass to the gym.  I really need to make it a schedule and a commitment to a healthier lifestyle and I know this challenge is just going to be a wonderful encouragement for that! 

Today's Food

I have decided to really try and make a conscious effort to post my menu plan for the day, because it helps keep me accountable, and I am able to look back and see where I struggled.

Breakfast

Cereal - 1/2 cup - 3 pts

Milk -2pts

Tea - 0pts

2 glasses of water

5/19

Snack

Nectarine/Apple - 2 pts

2 glasses of water

7/19

Lunch

Will be at the dentist office, will have snack later...after my mouth is no longer frozen!

Snack

Cottage Cheese - 1/2cup - 2 pts

Banana? - 2pts

Cake - very small piece - 8 pts

2 glasses of water

19/19

Dinner

Salad - 0 pts

Chicken - 4 pts

Rice - 1/2 cup - 2 pts

Corn - 1/2 cup - 1 pt

2 glasses of water

26/19

Hopefully I will go to the gym this afternoon for a workout and earn 2 activity points, so then I will only be over about 5 points to take out of my flex points for the week.  Although I may not be able to have cake this afternoon, depending on my mouth, so who knows!

Weigh-In Day

I knew it was going to be a good week.  I tracked all my points, I went over by maybe 3 or 4, however; the times I went over was for good food - fruits and veggies.  I didn't drink as much water as I wanted, but I am working on that.  I was a little concerned, because I did have Butter Chicken last night for dinner (yummy...) and then today I was at a work conference all day through breakfast and lunch, and it was difficult not having the food I normally eat around.  

But I lost 2 pounds!  Which I think is awesome!  I can't even remember the last time I lost 2 pounds, it seems like months upon months ago.  So I am really excited all my hard work paid off.  AND...I weigh 138.4.  That is the lowest weight I have been yet!  That is also my initial weight I weighed in at in 2005, when I first joined weightwatchers.  But I got down to my healthy weight range then, and I can now too.  I'm actually really excited and encouraged.  I know I am mostly putting healthy food into my body, and yet, I am allowing myself to have treats and not feel deprived.  It is a great day!

I will also say, there was this girl at my meeting last night, who has been coming for a while.  She asked me how I did, I said I did great.  She said she had lost 1.8 pounds, but she had been expecting a bigger weight loss so was not happy with the result.  I tried to tell her losing 1.8 pounds is awesome!  It is certainly not something to be ashamed of.  I have had weeks where I thought I lost more than I did, and although I think it is natural to feel disappointed at first, if you continue feeling that, then you are not honouring yourself for the hard work you put forward and minimizing yourself.  She was not buying it.  As the meeting ended, I saw her go back to the scale, and asked to be weighed-in again.  It just really made me sad to know that she is not celebrating her success, and giving herself credit for a good week.  

I was and am certainly happy with my 2 pound weight-loss.  My goal for this week was to get down into the 137's, and my treat was going to be to buy a new shirt.  I didn't make that goal this week, but next week I will, and I will get to buy a new shirt or two.  Which is quite nice, as I currently have no fall clothes.  I'm excited for the week ahead and all that it will bring!

The Biggest Loser!

Tonight the Biggest Loser began again!!  And I loved it.  It really made me feel motivated and want to workout and eat right, and just plain be healthy.  When they did the part of showing people's lungs, and heart, and how much fat covered some peoples organs, that was a big wake up call.  It is not just about feeling better, and looking better, losing weight will actually make my body better.  My goal is to continue to lose weight to be healthy, and to live a long life.  So here is to a healthier me!  

In other news.  I have been doing AWESOME this week in terms of my eating!  After Saturday, I was out of flex points (only 2 days into the week).  But I stayed on points for Sunday, since I went to the gym. And yesterday, I was basically on points.  I may have been over my 1 or 2, but considering the last few weeks of going over by 3, 4, 5, 6, that was not too bad.  Then today, had a good breakfast and lunch, with lots of points left for a snack and dinner.  However; there was cake at the office.  So I had to have a piece!  And I don't know exactly how many points the cake was, but I counted it for 12 points (as it was very creamy and delicious).  After eating it, I realized I literally had no points left for the rest of the day and it was only 230!  Shoot.  But instead of going home and saying screw that, I will just eat what I was planning on eating, I decided to go to the gym and gain some activity points.  Then I came home and had a big greek salad for dinner and I was full!  So yay me for not going over!  There is only tomorrow and Thursday until my weigh-in, and I am really hoping for a loss this week...a big loss...as I feel I have worked really hard and I just have a feeling that this is the week.  As long as I can continue to stay on points and get my water in, I should be good to go.

Menu Plan for Today

Well since I have no flex points left for this week, I really have to be careful about what I eat for the next few days.  So I am going to plan out my meals and make sure I get all my water, and veggies, and protein in.  Since I am so short I only get 19 points a day right now, so I really have to use my points efficiently.

Breakfast:

Tea - 0 pts

Cereal - 3 pts

Skim Milk - 1 cup (this includes milk used in my tea) - 2 pts

2 glasses of water

Lunch:

Salad - 0 pts

Tuna - 1/2 cup - 3 pts

Balsamic Vinegar - 0 pts

2 glasses of water

Snack:

Popcorn - 3 pts

Nectarine - 1 med - 1 pt

2 glasses of water

Dinner:

Chicken - 4 pts

Rice - 1/4 cup - 1 pt

Corn - 1 cup - 1 pt

Brocoli - 1 cup - 0 pts

2 glasses of water

If I am able to stick to this, then it seems like I should be completely satisfied.  I will have gotten enough protein, my 8 glasses of water, and about 4-5 servings of fruits and veggies.  Not bad, not bad.  I think I can do it.  I am also planning on going to the gym today and hopefully earning 2-3 activity points that I can maybe use if I am really hungry.  I just need to get organized with tracking and staying on points.  No more going over and saying oh well I have gone over, so I may as well go COMPLETELY over! 

Flex Points...Gone...

It is Saturday.  My weigh-in day is Thursday.  This means I am two days into my week, and I have used ALL my flex points.  How did that happen?!?!? And I know this is to be expected on a weekend, but still.  I like a little extra freedom in case.  Oh well.  My goal for this week is to track every single I eat, and I have, so I am pretty happy about that.  Now hopefully I can stay on points for the rest of the week!  

Procrastination at its finest

Here is the problem I have discovered with myself.  I give myself a goal.  Say...go to the gym 3 times a week, and because that is a very realistic, achievable goal, I kinda screw myself!  I say, it's only 3 times a week, so I don't have to go today, I have lots of days left!  But now it is Sunday, and I have other things to do, but I didn't go Friday or Saturday, so I really have to go today.  Plus, saying I will go 2 days during the work week before Thursday...I won't.  Why do I procrastinate to the last minute for everything?!?!?  And my water goal is not going any better.  But today is a new day.  8 glasses here I come!

Re-Focusing for the new year!

Well I sort of feel as if I have come to a stand still with my weight-loss.  Although I am extremely happy that I have not gained a large amount of weight over the summer, I am definately not happy that I haven't lost any weight.  I know I could have worked harder over the summer and not given into as much temptation, and that would have caused me to actually lose more weight.  But September is an interesting time of year.  People go back to school, routines re-form and it's almost like a brand new year.  So I have made the decision that I will do my new years resolutions now.  Why wait until January?  No need!

I really thought long and hard about what I need to do in order to re-focus and achieve my weight-loss goals.  Although I didn't weigh-in this week, the week before I was down to 139.6.  My lowest weight to date on WW has been 139.4, so I am almost back there!  My next mini goals is to be 137.4.  That would mean I will have lost 25 pounds!  Currently I have lost 22.8.  It's hard to imagine that I have lost that much.  Some days it seems as if it is nothing, and other days I tell myself that I have lost over 20 pounds...and that is damn good!  I need to start rewarding myself and not being so hard on myself when I have weeks that don't go so well.  I need to remember that this is a journey, and it's hard, and my weight will be a lifelong journey, even once I achieve my goal.

 So the tools I need to re-focus are this:

1)  Water.  Drinking 8 glasses of water a day.  This is something I have struggled with since joining WW, and I don't know why.  I like the taste of water, and I am often dehydrated (clearly my body is trying to tell me something).  And yet I struggle with getting in 8 glasses each day.  So this is my big commitment at the moment.  Hence the picture.

2)  Journalling.  I need to track my points more carefully.  I have found lately, that I don't always count my points.  I estimate servings and point values, and then I wonder why I don't lose more!  And I eat a piece of candy here and there, and don't count it.  So no more of that.  I want to be at a healthier weight for me and if it means writing down everything I eat and points values, then I have to do it.  There are people who have lost tons of pounds, and gotten down to their goal weight.  And I know I can do the same.  

3)  The gym.  The gym and I have not been friends lately.  By the time I get home from work, I'm tired and I make an excuse not to go.  I did go last night, and it was hard.  I forgot.  But I felt much better about myself, and I haven't sleep very well all summer, and last night I had a fabulous sleep!  And I think it was from the gym.  Maybe it wasn't.  But I'm going to say it was.  So my goal is to go 3 times a week.  I would love to go more, and if I do, then good for me!  But I can't make unrealistic goals.  So I am hoping to go again tomorrow and Sunday, and possibly Tuesday or Wednesday.  

So these are what I am going to focus on.  I will be in my healthy weight-range one day.

It's been a while...

I feel it has been forever since I posted.  Lots has happened.  Went to some weddings, went away, had really good times away.  And I will say, I was quite worried in terms of my weight and being away.  And yes...when I went away I gained!  To be expected I think.  But the thing is, I have gained a pound or two some weeks, and then lost that weight the next.  So I am no further ahead in my weight-loss then when summer began in June.  But...I am also no further behind.  I am pretty much at the exact same weight.  I have overall managed to maintain and that is a good feeling.  

Today I weighed in exactly at 140.  My lowest ever thus far on this weight watchers program has been 139.4.  Gosh...the 130's again.  I am almost there!  Although that of course means I have to lose a daily point.  So I will be at 19 points once I hit those 130's, and I am not looking forward to that. 19 points...wow.  That is hard to do.  But I am really going to try this week, and journal and keep track of everything I eat.  I am so bad at eating candy at work, a piece here, a piece there...and I don't count it.  So this week if I eat a piece of candy...then I need to write that down.  And my other goal for the week is to drink my 2 litres of water a day.  I LOVE water I have decided, yet I struggle to drink it.  I just need to carry around a water bottle with me and it will get done.  Plus, I need to get back into the routine of the gym.  I have really fallen off the waggon with this one, and I need to re-start.  I usually enjoy going to the gym, I feel so good afterwards.  So I need to remember that feeling when I am tired from a long day.

As there is really only 2 weeks of summer until September left (can't believe that!) I am going to try really hard in these next two weeks.  My goal for weight-loss is going to be 1.5 pounds total.  That is only 0.7/0.8 each week.  Totally doable.  I decided a long time ago that I was going to stick with weight watchers for one year, and then re-assess.  Somehow my year is going to be in November, and although I totally thought I would be at my goal long before that, I am really happy at how far I have come.  I have lost 22.4 pounds, and managed to keep it off.  That is pretty damn good if I do say so myself!

Home from vaca with a little gain!

Holy it has been a long time!

Well I have been super busy with work, and I was getting organized for my trip to Ontario.  So I just returned on Monday, and I knew that today's weigh-in wasn't going to be pretty.  After all I drank 3 out of 4 nights this week, ate way too much good food, didn't drink enough water, didn't go to the gym at all, and hardly had any vegetables!  So today when I weighed in at 141.4, which was a 2 pound gain, I was actually quite happy with that.  My original goal before going away was to maintain my weight, but once I got there, I threw that goal out the window.  Although I am getting a little scared for heading down to Mississippi, where I will be for 10 days.  That again will be lots of good food, drinking etc.  But I have decided to really make a conscious effort and make sure I have lots of water and veggies while I am down there.

But since I have been home, I have not been motivated to go to the gym.  Yesterday I got home from work past 730pm, so I was quite tired.  And today after my meetings I decided I didn't really want to go.  So hopefully I will be more motivated tomorrow night.  I think I will just take my gym clothes with me tomorrow to work, so then I will have no excuse.  

The funny thing is, while I was away, I kinda missed my normal food.  Now don't get me wrong, everything I had was wonderful, but sometimes I missed just my simple salads, and cottage cheese.  It makes my body feel not as heavy somehow.  Which is kinda neat to realize how much my eating habits have changed and to know that I like my healthy food now!  That really is the key to eating healthy, to like it.  So here I go.

Running Club

So back in April, I walked the Sun Run, a 10km walk.  It was fine, I had blisters at the end, but overall, it was a fine walk.  But during the walk, a friend mentioned the idea of starting a running club at work.  She also wanted the goal to be to run a 

HALF MARATHON NEXT YEAR!  So I laughed quite hard, realized she was serious, and then proceeded to laugh some more.  But the more we talked about it, and the more I thought about it, I decided that this is something I need to do.  I certainly have no goal of a half maranthon, but I would like to be able to run in general, maybe a 5 or 10km.  I have always hated running, but I thought this is a good opportunity to challenge myself.

So we have a book to follow which is designed for people who don't run.  Each session is different, but the goal is to run 3 times a week, and each week you run a little farther.  I believe after 14 weeks the hope is that you can run for about an hour straight.  So session 1, of week 1 is this:

Step 1:  5 minute walking warm up

Step 2:  1 min run

Step 3:  2 min walk (it actually might be a 3 min walk, but I don't have the book in front of me)

Step 4:  Repeat steps 2 and 3, 8 times.

Step 5: 5 minute walking cool down

So you look at that and think "Run for one minute...I can easily do that!  After all, I do go to the gym."

Tonight I decided I wanted to try this out, we are not having our first real running session until Thursday, but I thought it would be good just to get a head start and see where I am.  There were a few problems to begin with.  Such as: it was getting dark outside, and when I say dark, I do mean it.  I began this at about 10pm.  Mental note, next time begin earlier.  Another problem.  I drove to the track I ran on.  So I needed to carry my car key in my hand while running.  Also, I do not have a watch, so I used my ipod to time myself.  So a few issues that will need to be worked out, but in the end those were really not my biggest problems.  

The biggest problem...it is damn hard!  5 minute warm up - EASY!  Run 1 minute - HARD!  Walk 2 minutes - EASY!  Run 1 minute - HARD!  At a few points I felt my lungs would collapse.  In the end, I was only about to repeat steps 2 and 3 4 times, not the 8 times.  So clearly this running club will not be as easy as I thought it would be.  

139.8!!

It has finally happened!!  I have broken the 140's.  I feel I have been in the 140's forever.  Particularly between 141-143.  But tonight at my weigh-in I was 139.8!!  Sure that is very close to the 140's, but you know what.  It was in the 130's, and I am damn happy!

Lately, this weight-loss has been hard, really hard.  I just need to keep reminding myself that I am eating healthy, I am working out, and I am dealing with my emotions in a healthy way.  No more eating an entire tub of ice cream because Jay and I broke up.  Every week I don't always see the numbers I want, but I know that this is going to be a lifelong journey, even once I am at my goal.  It's not easy, but I can do it.

And by breaking into the 130's, I really feel motivated.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I would love to weight between 115-120.  That would be my ideal.  But right now, I am only 12 pounds away from my healthy weight range.  12 pounds!  That seems so doable.  Although I know that these 12 pounds will not be easy to lose, it will continue to be hard, and I will continue to have good days and bad days, but I know I can do it.  I know that I can continue to eat healthy, workout, and find alternatives for food when I am emotionally eating.  I just am really, really happy to finally start to feel that my life is in some sort of control.  I can control my weight.  That is something I have never been able to say.

At the weightwatchers meeting tonight, we talked about goals for the summer.  Summers are hard times with vacation, weddings, bbq's, events.  So I have had to really think about my goals, and what is realistic, due to the fact that I will be away on vacation, I have 5 weddings to attend, and my work has a potluck sometimes once a week!  I have decided to split my goals into mini goals, by each month so it is a little easier.

GOAL FOR JUNE:

 

I will be in Toronto for 5 days, so my goal is at the end of June to weigh 138.  Really anywhere in the 138 range.  I am hoping to weigh in at that before leaving for Toronto, and then when returning that I will have maintained my weight.  I weigh in only 2 days after returning, and that is the last weigh in for June, so I need to be realistic.  I will be at a wedding, and seeing friends I haven't seen in 3 years.  I will drink, I will eat, and I will not feel guilty.  So June goal here I come!

Spinning...the new workout? I think not!

So I went to a spinning class on Tuesday.  And on Tuesday, I really enjoyed it.  I found it challenging, but I really liked it and felt that I could really get into doing it once a week to have a break from the normal gym routine.  Now, after I got off the bike my legs did feel like jelly, and I literally needed to hold onto the bike so I wouldn't fall.  And my ass really hurt from the bike, but all in all, I thought it was good.  The instructor did say that my legs would be sore the next day, which is to be expected.

However; when she said sore, I thought she meant like a normal sore.  No.  This was pain.  It hurt to walk up the stairs, it hurt to walk down the stairs.  It hurt to bend my legs, it hurt to straighten them.  So I thought Wednesday was bad.  Then I talked to a few people who said "Oh no...the second day is always the worst!"  So that brought us to Thursday.  And yes, it was bad, much worse than Wednesday, people were right.  But I thought okay, I mean I am not able to go to the gym on Thursday's anyway, so it's not like I am missing anything.  But even yesterday, I was still in TONS of pain!  So I didn't go to the gym yesterday.  I did manage to go today, but I was not up to par with my normal routine.  But I was glad I went at least.  But this means I have made the decision that no more spinning for me.  4 days to recover?!?!?  No thanks!  I will stick to my stairmaster and eliptical, thank you very much.

My body is aching, so I must be losing something!

Okay, well my goal was to go to the gym Saturday-Wednesday, and so far I have missed Saturday and Monday.  Saturday I really have no excuse for, pure laziness and poor time management.  But today well I have 2 reasons.

1)  The left side of my right foot hurts.  Not sure what it is, but when I woke up this morning it was quite painful and even now at the end of the day it is still a little tender.

2)  I am doing my first spinning class tomorrow.  I am quite scared.  Afraid I will fall off the bike, throw up, or do a combination of both.  But I have challenged myself to try new things, and spinning is something I have always been curious about, so here goes nothing!  So I figured I couldn't go to the gym today and use up all my muscles, or what would happen tomorrow?  I love my ability to rationalize with myself.

But in other news, I have drank at least 8 glasses of water the last 2 days.  On Sunday I drank about 10, which included going to the gym, so I was happy.  So hopefully I will be able to continue down this path.

As for the gym yesterday, it was a little bit of a difficult one.  I decided to start the stairmaster on level 5, when I normally do level 4.  So began on level 5.  At 10 mins I had to take it down to level 4 for 2.5 mins.  Then I went back to level 5 until 17.5 mins, when I had to go back to level 4.  And then I stopped after 20 mins.  I was really hoping to get to 25 mins, but it was hard.  So that is my goal, to work up to 25 mins at level 5.  I figure I did 3/4 of the way at level 5, so if I can push myself a little more I will get there.  Then I did the bike and the eliptical, so all in all, it was a good cardio time.

And I have decided I really need to not be afraid of the weights anymore.  I mean, I do use the weight machines (of course I don't know what the machines are called) but I always do the same machines over and over.  So yesterday I did one of the machines I am familiar with, and then I tried a new one.  This one is supposed to work your pectoral muscles, and man oh man, was I in pain both last night and still today.  I did 1 set of 10.  Then 2 sets of 5.  And that was all.  I literally could not do anymore.  But my pecs, and arms feel quite good today.  So I am excited about this new machine!  I think that once a week I will try a new weight machine.  Or once every 2 weeks.  So all in all, I have done quite well.  Only been to the gym twice this week, so hopefully 3 times before my weigh in, but that is okay.  Next week is another week, and I will just continue to aim for 4-5 times a week and see what happens.  

Motivation

So first things first.  A couple weeks ago I bought a pretty dress to wear for some weddings this summer.  And I placed it in my closet, and I kinda forgot about it.  But last night Mum came home from England, so I was showing her the dress.  And I have forgotten how much I like it.  Here is the picture.  I never thought I would like green, but I just love it.  And I think it is quite flattering on me as it is tight on the bust and then flows away from the body aka: the problem areas.  Man I sound like Stacey and Clinton!  The only issue that may come from the dress is that if I gain 1 pound, yes, 1 pound, I don't think it will fit any longer and I won't be able to do it up.  And it does show quite a lot of cleavage as my chest is a good size.  So realistically, depending on where I am wearing the dress to I may have to wear a cami under it.  I really don't want to have all this cleavage showing in a church.  A little awkward.  But this dress is my motivation for going to the gym at the moment.  This beautiful dress.  I just love it!

Now speaking of the weight, I did gain 0.2 last week, and 0.8 this week.  Which does equal 1 pound.  Luckily I have time to get that off before the wedding in June.  I will say the weight gain was to be expected as I didn't go to the gym as much this week as I wanted, and I was in Victoria on the weekend, eating and drinking.  

But I do need to get re-commited to this journey.  The last few weeks I think I have been slacking, and I really want to get out of the 140's!  My next goal is to be 139.  Very doable. I weighed in today at 141.4.  I am so close to being there, that I just need to push myself a little harder, and I know I can do it.  

I did have a really good workout last night.  I have noticed that I love working out on Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights.  Sure people may think, does this girl have no friends?  Why is she not out and about?  But I LOVE it.  It is less crowded, and it frankly does give me something to do.  My life as of late has been a little boring.  I have been so used to having plans every weekend with Jay, even if it was just renting a movie.  And now I don't have that routine, so I am making a new healthy routine for myself, and I really like it.  

Anyway, back to my good workout.  So yesterday I did my 25 mins on the stairmaster.  And there is this man at my gym who usually goes on the stairmaster for I don't even know how long.  At least an hour?  And when he is done he is DRIPPING with sweat.  Seriously dripping.  And  as I was watching him, it really inspired me.  Because I am sure that man was tired and wanted to quit so many times, but he pushed on.  Through his sweat and tears.  Minus the tears.  So I decided that although I find the 25 mins hard, I can do more.  So I decided to up the level for the last 7 mins.  Which did make a difference.  And I know it was only upping it one level, but you know that is where I need to begin.  So I felt good.  And then I did 25 mins on the bike, kinda as a just keeping my heartrate up, but I am not overly pushing myself type of thing.  And then I did 20 on the eliptical.  So I thought it was a really good cardio workout day.

My goal is to go to the gym today through Wednesday everyday.  But I know I won't be able to do that much cardio everyday, so I am trying to come up with a plan to allow me to still lose the weight without having my legs fall off.  So I think the plan will be every second day I will really push myself at the gym and do lots of cardio, and then on the other days I will do 30 mins on cardio, and then at least (hopefully) 30 mins on weights.  I struggle with the weights because I 1) get bored and 2) some machines I don't know how to use, so I don't want to experiment.  So maybe that should be my goal for this week, use a new weight machine I don't normally use.  Done.  That is my new goal.  Love it!  Okay, now all this talk of working out makes me want to go to the gym, but first I should organize my disaster of a bedroom.  And then the gym tonight!

There and back again...in less than an hour

I might be onto something with this whole eliptical thing.  I went to the gym tonight.  Did my usual 25 mins on the stairmaster.  Then I did 17 mins on the eliptical (better than last time!)  And by the time I had done both of those, my legs were very tired, and I had burned as many calories as I normally do from the stairmaster and the bike.  And with the bike I usually have to go for 30 mins.  So I got to be home from the gym within one hour of me leaving.  How great is that?!?!?  I think during the week I will continue to do that and then on the weekends when I have a little more time I can step it up and do it longer.  And this way I still felt like I was able to enjoy my evening, and wasn't just at the gym all night.  I know it is only a difference of 15 mins, but it makes a big difference!  So now I am happy.

I have mastered the Eliptical!

So I have been afraid of the eliptical machine for years now.  YEARS!  I have used it once or twice in the past, but never for longer than 10 minutes.  I don't know if the opposite arm and leg thing or what, but I have hated it.  And I never wanted to give it another chance.  But today, the gym was very empty when I arrived (the way I like it!)  And so I decided to give it another shot.  And I did 15 minutes, and I survived, and I think I may even start to enjoy the eliptical!  So it was a good day.  Maybe in a few months time I can master the treadmill, although that might be a little radical thinking.

Getting Re-Focused

Lately I have not been good at sticking to my water plan.  My goal is to have the recommended 8 glasses of water a day.  How hard could it be I thought?!?!?  Very hard.  Most days I am averaging 3, maybe 4.  So that is my goal for this week to do 8 glasses every day.  I figure if I take it one day, one week at a time it is attainable.  My weigh in this past week was good, even after eating an entire thing of chocolate.  So I am happy, and striving to continue.  Hopefully this will be a good time for my weight loss, and changing more of my attitude and work out routine.  I have been struggling in the last month or so with the weigh loss.  I have been hardly losing any, or gaining a little, but I really want to get back to being focused and remember the place I want to be at the end.

But in other news I had a really good workout today.  I really didn't feel like going.  I put it off all day, until it was finally 7pm, and all I wanted to do was watch tv all night.  But I went and I just really feel good.  My goal to make it to the gym 5 days a week is difficult to attain, but I need to set that goal with the hope that I will do it.  And some weeks I know I won't, but that is what I am striving for.  I have gone twice this week so far (I count weeks Thursday-Wednesday, since my weigh-in is on Wednesdays).  Only 3 more days to do, I think I can do it this week.  Here's to trying at least!

Reflecting on who I want to be

Remember that time I ate half a box of chocolates, felt sick, and then proceeded to eat the other half?!?!?!

Well clearly from the above line, it is quite obvious I didn't have the best of weekends.  I don't even really like chocolate that much, but at the time I felt it would make me feel better.  Or at least make me feel that it's okay to eat chocolate and sit and cry.  I have also been listening to sappy songs lately.  I love a good sappy song!  There is nothing like it.  They make me cry, they make me laugh, and they make me smile.  I feel like I could just belt out sappy songs at the top of my lungs all day long, but somehow I don't think my co-workers would like that.  Something to ponder though.  

Recently, I have been given the opportunity to really evaluate my life.  To really think what I want, what I need, and what I desire most in life.  This is something that has come with great pain and it is something that I didn't necessarily want to address, but it is something that is allowing me to really evaluate.  And today I don't have all the answers, or really any of them.  But it has gotten me thinking of why I began this weight loss journey.  And I think the sad reality of this journey began with wanting to look a certain way.  I will never be a size 1, and that is not what I aspire to be.  But I did want to be a "average" size.  And average to me is a size 6.  I wanted to get married, and on my wedding day, I wanted to feel beautiful, and I wanted to go into a wedding dress store, knowing, I could fit into those dresses.  I wanted to feel loved, desired.

And as I am evaluating, my reasons are beginning to change.  It is beginning to no longer be about the number on the scale, or about the size of clothes I wear.  I want to continue to strive to lose weight for health reasons.  I want to be able to walk long distances without being tired and out of breath.  I have spent the last 25 years being overweight, and I don't want to spend the next 25 that way.  

As I go on in this journey of weight-loss, of discovering myself, and figuring out what I want, I want to be able to look back and say I had the right intentions.  I made the most of what I had.  And I know I will have days when I eat an entire box of chocolates, and I need to not let that guilt hurt me.  I need to recognize my pain, my emotions, my hurt, and I need to be able to release those feelings in a constructive way.  I don't know what I want in this life.  I don't know where this life will lead me.  But I want to be happy.  I want to be happy within myself, with or without someone there to guide me.  And as I reflect, I can see the changes in me.  I can see the physical changes, and I can see the inner changes.  I see my strength, something I hadn't seen in a long time.  This journey isn't just about the weight coming off, it's about discovering me.  The woman I want to be.  Bold, strong, patient, nurturing, transparent.  The woman I strive to be.

Goals for May

So my goals for May have been to go to the gym 5 times a week, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and pay $2500 towards my student loan.  I will say, the student loan one I think will be achieved, as long as I get my tax refund back.  If not, then it was be achieved shortly after May.  

Now the water.  I didn't think it would be as hard as it is. I mean, I feel thirsty quite often, so shouldn't drinking water be easy?!?!?  Yesterday I carried around a water bottle with me, and I drank the whole bottle, which is about...2 and a half cups.  And then I had probably about another cup, possibly a cup and a half.  But that's only 4!  My goal is 8!  So I really need to step this up, and just drink more.

I went to the gym yesterday and had a good workout but now I feel no motivation going today.  Although I know I have to go today and tomorrow in order to have any chance of making my goal of 5 times a week.  I find it so difficult to go to the gym after working 9 hours, so the weekends are my saving grace.  I just need the motivation.  I know once I actually get my butt to the gym and starting exercising I feel better.  But today I just feel like I could stay in bed all day, watch movies and do nothing.  But that is probably how I gained weight in the first place, so I better not.  Plus, I bought a very pretty and very expensive dress yesterday for some weddings I have to go to this summer, and seriously...if I gain one pound the dress will not fit.  So that is motivation in itself!

Emotional Days

I think there are many reasons which have caused me to gain weight.  Reasons of boredom, liking food, and emotional eating.  And I think emotional eating is hard to overcome.  Recently, something has happened which has caused me to be quite emotional.  Crying, wanting to lay in bed all day.  And in the past when I felt these feelings, in order to ease the pain, I would eat.  I'm unhappy...go to the fridge and get some ice cream and cookies, the taste will make you happy, if only for 5 minutes.

I have lost 20 pounds so far on my journey, and I have between 20-25 more to lose.  I am struggling to not re-vert back to my old habits.  I am trying to continue to eat healthy, even when crying, and really wanting those damn cookies and not carrots.  And I know that I won't have 1 or 2 cookies, I will eat an entire box, to feel happy.  And then I will feel sick, and guilt for eating a whole box of cookies and then I will think screw the new way of healthy eating it's too hard, and the cycle continues.

I need to stop this cycle for myself.  I need understand that eating that way does not give me happiness, it does not fix my problem.  I need to learn it is unhealthy.  So I blog so I won't eat.  Plain and simple.  But it's hard.  And I know I have come so far, and I have a journey to continue on, but I do wonder, will it ever be easier?  Will I ever understand the proper way to handle my emotions without the food?  I don't know.  I call my weight loss a journey, because although I want to see the pounds come off and get myself to a healthy weight, I also want to be healthy on the inside.  I want to know my food triggers, identify them and know I can get through it.  And I think that will be a life long process, long after the excess weight is gone. 

The stairmaster is no longer my enemy

Why is it that some days I feel I can go for hours at the gym, and other days, I struggle just to get through the bare basics?!?!?  Saturday at the gym I felt that I would never stop.  I only did 20 mins on the stairmaster, and 45 mins of the bike, but I could have gone longer and the only reason I didn't was because I was in a rush.  Today...no rush...but I thought I was going to die on that stairmaster.  But I made it through.  I have to keep reminding myself how far I have come.  The days when I think I haven't done as well as I should have, I really need that motivation and that knowledge that hey...look at where I began.  I remember going to the gym for the first time back in November, after having not gone to the gym in...months, years maybe.  And I was only able to do 10 mins on the stairmaster, and with that, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest and I was going to faint.  Today...I did 25 mins.  And that I think it pretty damn good!

Tomorrow is the weigh-in, so I hope I do okay.  I don't think it has been a great week, but I am re-committing myself to this process, and to be accountable.  And any loss is one step closer to my goal.  So that is what I need to remember at the end of the day.

I forgot how much I love blogging!

If feels like it has been an eternity since I have actually been able to write a blog.  And I love it.  I have missed it.  Lately, I have taken to reading other people's blogs and laughing, and relating, and it just made me miss and crave it.  So here I am, trying this blogging thing out again.

At work, we have started a "financial club."  We meet once a month and discuss our finances.  Okay, so we have only actually had one meeting.  But the purpose is to help one another to their financial goal, whatever that goal may be: down payment, repaying loans, or trying to stay out of bankruptcy.  And I realize, that there are certain things in life that are not openly discussed: finances, weight, and what our deepest insecurities/fears are.  And for me, these 3 things are all very intertwined.  

The whole idea for this blog is about accountability.  Accountability to myself first and foremost.  I want to be able to see my successes and recognize the areas I struggle in, and need improvement.  And I have realized that I can't succeed without being accountable.  Really, why else would I put my weight on the page?!?!?!?

So here I am, in my mid-20's and I am going to change my life.  I have spent the majority of my life being overweight to a certain extent, and I don't want to be this way forever.  It's not about being a certain size, or looking a certain way, but I want to be healthy.  I want to recognize this issue now before I gain more, and I want to make a lifestyle change.  And I want to be healthier so I can do all the adventures I have always wanted to do.  I want to do a 10km run.  I want to climb the grouse grind.  And currently I can't do either of those things, but I promise, once day I will.  I want to pay off my debts are quickly as possible, at the same time not sacrificing my life.  And I want to be transparent, in the best sense of the word.  I don't want to hide my insecurities, my fears, my thoughts which at times are tainted.  I want to say this is me, and I struggle with life at times, and I cry, and I mess up, but I am working on figuring life out.  This is the journey of my life.