Emotional Days

I think there are many reasons which have caused me to gain weight.  Reasons of boredom, liking food, and emotional eating.  And I think emotional eating is hard to overcome.  Recently, something has happened which has caused me to be quite emotional.  Crying, wanting to lay in bed all day.  And in the past when I felt these feelings, in order to ease the pain, I would eat.  I'm unhappy...go to the fridge and get some ice cream and cookies, the taste will make you happy, if only for 5 minutes.

I have lost 20 pounds so far on my journey, and I have between 20-25 more to lose.  I am struggling to not re-vert back to my old habits.  I am trying to continue to eat healthy, even when crying, and really wanting those damn cookies and not carrots.  And I know that I won't have 1 or 2 cookies, I will eat an entire box, to feel happy.  And then I will feel sick, and guilt for eating a whole box of cookies and then I will think screw the new way of healthy eating it's too hard, and the cycle continues.

I need to stop this cycle for myself.  I need understand that eating that way does not give me happiness, it does not fix my problem.  I need to learn it is unhealthy.  So I blog so I won't eat.  Plain and simple.  But it's hard.  And I know I have come so far, and I have a journey to continue on, but I do wonder, will it ever be easier?  Will I ever understand the proper way to handle my emotions without the food?  I don't know.  I call my weight loss a journey, because although I want to see the pounds come off and get myself to a healthy weight, I also want to be healthy on the inside.  I want to know my food triggers, identify them and know I can get through it.  And I think that will be a life long process, long after the excess weight is gone.