Spinning...the new workout? I think not!

So I went to a spinning class on Tuesday.  And on Tuesday, I really enjoyed it.  I found it challenging, but I really liked it and felt that I could really get into doing it once a week to have a break from the normal gym routine.  Now, after I got off the bike my legs did feel like jelly, and I literally needed to hold onto the bike so I wouldn't fall.  And my ass really hurt from the bike, but all in all, I thought it was good.  The instructor did say that my legs would be sore the next day, which is to be expected.

However; when she said sore, I thought she meant like a normal sore.  No.  This was pain.  It hurt to walk up the stairs, it hurt to walk down the stairs.  It hurt to bend my legs, it hurt to straighten them.  So I thought Wednesday was bad.  Then I talked to a few people who said "Oh no...the second day is always the worst!"  So that brought us to Thursday.  And yes, it was bad, much worse than Wednesday, people were right.  But I thought okay, I mean I am not able to go to the gym on Thursday's anyway, so it's not like I am missing anything.  But even yesterday, I was still in TONS of pain!  So I didn't go to the gym yesterday.  I did manage to go today, but I was not up to par with my normal routine.  But I was glad I went at least.  But this means I have made the decision that no more spinning for me.  4 days to recover?!?!?  No thanks!  I will stick to my stairmaster and eliptical, thank you very much.

My body is aching, so I must be losing something!

Okay, well my goal was to go to the gym Saturday-Wednesday, and so far I have missed Saturday and Monday.  Saturday I really have no excuse for, pure laziness and poor time management.  But today well I have 2 reasons.

1)  The left side of my right foot hurts.  Not sure what it is, but when I woke up this morning it was quite painful and even now at the end of the day it is still a little tender.

2)  I am doing my first spinning class tomorrow.  I am quite scared.  Afraid I will fall off the bike, throw up, or do a combination of both.  But I have challenged myself to try new things, and spinning is something I have always been curious about, so here goes nothing!  So I figured I couldn't go to the gym today and use up all my muscles, or what would happen tomorrow?  I love my ability to rationalize with myself.

But in other news, I have drank at least 8 glasses of water the last 2 days.  On Sunday I drank about 10, which included going to the gym, so I was happy.  So hopefully I will be able to continue down this path.

As for the gym yesterday, it was a little bit of a difficult one.  I decided to start the stairmaster on level 5, when I normally do level 4.  So began on level 5.  At 10 mins I had to take it down to level 4 for 2.5 mins.  Then I went back to level 5 until 17.5 mins, when I had to go back to level 4.  And then I stopped after 20 mins.  I was really hoping to get to 25 mins, but it was hard.  So that is my goal, to work up to 25 mins at level 5.  I figure I did 3/4 of the way at level 5, so if I can push myself a little more I will get there.  Then I did the bike and the eliptical, so all in all, it was a good cardio time.

And I have decided I really need to not be afraid of the weights anymore.  I mean, I do use the weight machines (of course I don't know what the machines are called) but I always do the same machines over and over.  So yesterday I did one of the machines I am familiar with, and then I tried a new one.  This one is supposed to work your pectoral muscles, and man oh man, was I in pain both last night and still today.  I did 1 set of 10.  Then 2 sets of 5.  And that was all.  I literally could not do anymore.  But my pecs, and arms feel quite good today.  So I am excited about this new machine!  I think that once a week I will try a new weight machine.  Or once every 2 weeks.  So all in all, I have done quite well.  Only been to the gym twice this week, so hopefully 3 times before my weigh in, but that is okay.  Next week is another week, and I will just continue to aim for 4-5 times a week and see what happens.  

Motivation

So first things first.  A couple weeks ago I bought a pretty dress to wear for some weddings this summer.  And I placed it in my closet, and I kinda forgot about it.  But last night Mum came home from England, so I was showing her the dress.  And I have forgotten how much I like it.  Here is the picture.  I never thought I would like green, but I just love it.  And I think it is quite flattering on me as it is tight on the bust and then flows away from the body aka: the problem areas.  Man I sound like Stacey and Clinton!  The only issue that may come from the dress is that if I gain 1 pound, yes, 1 pound, I don't think it will fit any longer and I won't be able to do it up.  And it does show quite a lot of cleavage as my chest is a good size.  So realistically, depending on where I am wearing the dress to I may have to wear a cami under it.  I really don't want to have all this cleavage showing in a church.  A little awkward.  But this dress is my motivation for going to the gym at the moment.  This beautiful dress.  I just love it!

Now speaking of the weight, I did gain 0.2 last week, and 0.8 this week.  Which does equal 1 pound.  Luckily I have time to get that off before the wedding in June.  I will say the weight gain was to be expected as I didn't go to the gym as much this week as I wanted, and I was in Victoria on the weekend, eating and drinking.  

But I do need to get re-commited to this journey.  The last few weeks I think I have been slacking, and I really want to get out of the 140's!  My next goal is to be 139.  Very doable. I weighed in today at 141.4.  I am so close to being there, that I just need to push myself a little harder, and I know I can do it.  

I did have a really good workout last night.  I have noticed that I love working out on Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights.  Sure people may think, does this girl have no friends?  Why is she not out and about?  But I LOVE it.  It is less crowded, and it frankly does give me something to do.  My life as of late has been a little boring.  I have been so used to having plans every weekend with Jay, even if it was just renting a movie.  And now I don't have that routine, so I am making a new healthy routine for myself, and I really like it.  

Anyway, back to my good workout.  So yesterday I did my 25 mins on the stairmaster.  And there is this man at my gym who usually goes on the stairmaster for I don't even know how long.  At least an hour?  And when he is done he is DRIPPING with sweat.  Seriously dripping.  And  as I was watching him, it really inspired me.  Because I am sure that man was tired and wanted to quit so many times, but he pushed on.  Through his sweat and tears.  Minus the tears.  So I decided that although I find the 25 mins hard, I can do more.  So I decided to up the level for the last 7 mins.  Which did make a difference.  And I know it was only upping it one level, but you know that is where I need to begin.  So I felt good.  And then I did 25 mins on the bike, kinda as a just keeping my heartrate up, but I am not overly pushing myself type of thing.  And then I did 20 on the eliptical.  So I thought it was a really good cardio workout day.

My goal is to go to the gym today through Wednesday everyday.  But I know I won't be able to do that much cardio everyday, so I am trying to come up with a plan to allow me to still lose the weight without having my legs fall off.  So I think the plan will be every second day I will really push myself at the gym and do lots of cardio, and then on the other days I will do 30 mins on cardio, and then at least (hopefully) 30 mins on weights.  I struggle with the weights because I 1) get bored and 2) some machines I don't know how to use, so I don't want to experiment.  So maybe that should be my goal for this week, use a new weight machine I don't normally use.  Done.  That is my new goal.  Love it!  Okay, now all this talk of working out makes me want to go to the gym, but first I should organize my disaster of a bedroom.  And then the gym tonight!

There and back again...in less than an hour

I might be onto something with this whole eliptical thing.  I went to the gym tonight.  Did my usual 25 mins on the stairmaster.  Then I did 17 mins on the eliptical (better than last time!)  And by the time I had done both of those, my legs were very tired, and I had burned as many calories as I normally do from the stairmaster and the bike.  And with the bike I usually have to go for 30 mins.  So I got to be home from the gym within one hour of me leaving.  How great is that?!?!?  I think during the week I will continue to do that and then on the weekends when I have a little more time I can step it up and do it longer.  And this way I still felt like I was able to enjoy my evening, and wasn't just at the gym all night.  I know it is only a difference of 15 mins, but it makes a big difference!  So now I am happy.

I have mastered the Eliptical!

So I have been afraid of the eliptical machine for years now.  YEARS!  I have used it once or twice in the past, but never for longer than 10 minutes.  I don't know if the opposite arm and leg thing or what, but I have hated it.  And I never wanted to give it another chance.  But today, the gym was very empty when I arrived (the way I like it!)  And so I decided to give it another shot.  And I did 15 minutes, and I survived, and I think I may even start to enjoy the eliptical!  So it was a good day.  Maybe in a few months time I can master the treadmill, although that might be a little radical thinking.

Getting Re-Focused

Lately I have not been good at sticking to my water plan.  My goal is to have the recommended 8 glasses of water a day.  How hard could it be I thought?!?!?  Very hard.  Most days I am averaging 3, maybe 4.  So that is my goal for this week to do 8 glasses every day.  I figure if I take it one day, one week at a time it is attainable.  My weigh in this past week was good, even after eating an entire thing of chocolate.  So I am happy, and striving to continue.  Hopefully this will be a good time for my weight loss, and changing more of my attitude and work out routine.  I have been struggling in the last month or so with the weigh loss.  I have been hardly losing any, or gaining a little, but I really want to get back to being focused and remember the place I want to be at the end.

But in other news I had a really good workout today.  I really didn't feel like going.  I put it off all day, until it was finally 7pm, and all I wanted to do was watch tv all night.  But I went and I just really feel good.  My goal to make it to the gym 5 days a week is difficult to attain, but I need to set that goal with the hope that I will do it.  And some weeks I know I won't, but that is what I am striving for.  I have gone twice this week so far (I count weeks Thursday-Wednesday, since my weigh-in is on Wednesdays).  Only 3 more days to do, I think I can do it this week.  Here's to trying at least!

Reflecting on who I want to be

Remember that time I ate half a box of chocolates, felt sick, and then proceeded to eat the other half?!?!?!

Well clearly from the above line, it is quite obvious I didn't have the best of weekends.  I don't even really like chocolate that much, but at the time I felt it would make me feel better.  Or at least make me feel that it's okay to eat chocolate and sit and cry.  I have also been listening to sappy songs lately.  I love a good sappy song!  There is nothing like it.  They make me cry, they make me laugh, and they make me smile.  I feel like I could just belt out sappy songs at the top of my lungs all day long, but somehow I don't think my co-workers would like that.  Something to ponder though.  

Recently, I have been given the opportunity to really evaluate my life.  To really think what I want, what I need, and what I desire most in life.  This is something that has come with great pain and it is something that I didn't necessarily want to address, but it is something that is allowing me to really evaluate.  And today I don't have all the answers, or really any of them.  But it has gotten me thinking of why I began this weight loss journey.  And I think the sad reality of this journey began with wanting to look a certain way.  I will never be a size 1, and that is not what I aspire to be.  But I did want to be a "average" size.  And average to me is a size 6.  I wanted to get married, and on my wedding day, I wanted to feel beautiful, and I wanted to go into a wedding dress store, knowing, I could fit into those dresses.  I wanted to feel loved, desired.

And as I am evaluating, my reasons are beginning to change.  It is beginning to no longer be about the number on the scale, or about the size of clothes I wear.  I want to continue to strive to lose weight for health reasons.  I want to be able to walk long distances without being tired and out of breath.  I have spent the last 25 years being overweight, and I don't want to spend the next 25 that way.  

As I go on in this journey of weight-loss, of discovering myself, and figuring out what I want, I want to be able to look back and say I had the right intentions.  I made the most of what I had.  And I know I will have days when I eat an entire box of chocolates, and I need to not let that guilt hurt me.  I need to recognize my pain, my emotions, my hurt, and I need to be able to release those feelings in a constructive way.  I don't know what I want in this life.  I don't know where this life will lead me.  But I want to be happy.  I want to be happy within myself, with or without someone there to guide me.  And as I reflect, I can see the changes in me.  I can see the physical changes, and I can see the inner changes.  I see my strength, something I hadn't seen in a long time.  This journey isn't just about the weight coming off, it's about discovering me.  The woman I want to be.  Bold, strong, patient, nurturing, transparent.  The woman I strive to be.

Goals for May

So my goals for May have been to go to the gym 5 times a week, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and pay $2500 towards my student loan.  I will say, the student loan one I think will be achieved, as long as I get my tax refund back.  If not, then it was be achieved shortly after May.  

Now the water.  I didn't think it would be as hard as it is. I mean, I feel thirsty quite often, so shouldn't drinking water be easy?!?!?  Yesterday I carried around a water bottle with me, and I drank the whole bottle, which is about...2 and a half cups.  And then I had probably about another cup, possibly a cup and a half.  But that's only 4!  My goal is 8!  So I really need to step this up, and just drink more.

I went to the gym yesterday and had a good workout but now I feel no motivation going today.  Although I know I have to go today and tomorrow in order to have any chance of making my goal of 5 times a week.  I find it so difficult to go to the gym after working 9 hours, so the weekends are my saving grace.  I just need the motivation.  I know once I actually get my butt to the gym and starting exercising I feel better.  But today I just feel like I could stay in bed all day, watch movies and do nothing.  But that is probably how I gained weight in the first place, so I better not.  Plus, I bought a very pretty and very expensive dress yesterday for some weddings I have to go to this summer, and seriously...if I gain one pound the dress will not fit.  So that is motivation in itself!

Emotional Days

I think there are many reasons which have caused me to gain weight.  Reasons of boredom, liking food, and emotional eating.  And I think emotional eating is hard to overcome.  Recently, something has happened which has caused me to be quite emotional.  Crying, wanting to lay in bed all day.  And in the past when I felt these feelings, in order to ease the pain, I would eat.  I'm unhappy...go to the fridge and get some ice cream and cookies, the taste will make you happy, if only for 5 minutes.

I have lost 20 pounds so far on my journey, and I have between 20-25 more to lose.  I am struggling to not re-vert back to my old habits.  I am trying to continue to eat healthy, even when crying, and really wanting those damn cookies and not carrots.  And I know that I won't have 1 or 2 cookies, I will eat an entire box, to feel happy.  And then I will feel sick, and guilt for eating a whole box of cookies and then I will think screw the new way of healthy eating it's too hard, and the cycle continues.

I need to stop this cycle for myself.  I need understand that eating that way does not give me happiness, it does not fix my problem.  I need to learn it is unhealthy.  So I blog so I won't eat.  Plain and simple.  But it's hard.  And I know I have come so far, and I have a journey to continue on, but I do wonder, will it ever be easier?  Will I ever understand the proper way to handle my emotions without the food?  I don't know.  I call my weight loss a journey, because although I want to see the pounds come off and get myself to a healthy weight, I also want to be healthy on the inside.  I want to know my food triggers, identify them and know I can get through it.  And I think that will be a life long process, long after the excess weight is gone.