The stairmaster is no longer my enemy

Why is it that some days I feel I can go for hours at the gym, and other days, I struggle just to get through the bare basics?!?!?  Saturday at the gym I felt that I would never stop.  I only did 20 mins on the stairmaster, and 45 mins of the bike, but I could have gone longer and the only reason I didn't was because I was in a rush.  Today...no rush...but I thought I was going to die on that stairmaster.  But I made it through.  I have to keep reminding myself how far I have come.  The days when I think I haven't done as well as I should have, I really need that motivation and that knowledge that hey...look at where I began.  I remember going to the gym for the first time back in November, after having not gone to the gym in...months, years maybe.  And I was only able to do 10 mins on the stairmaster, and with that, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest and I was going to faint.  Today...I did 25 mins.  And that I think it pretty damn good!

Tomorrow is the weigh-in, so I hope I do okay.  I don't think it has been a great week, but I am re-committing myself to this process, and to be accountable.  And any loss is one step closer to my goal.  So that is what I need to remember at the end of the day.

I forgot how much I love blogging!

If feels like it has been an eternity since I have actually been able to write a blog.  And I love it.  I have missed it.  Lately, I have taken to reading other people's blogs and laughing, and relating, and it just made me miss and crave it.  So here I am, trying this blogging thing out again.

At work, we have started a "financial club."  We meet once a month and discuss our finances.  Okay, so we have only actually had one meeting.  But the purpose is to help one another to their financial goal, whatever that goal may be: down payment, repaying loans, or trying to stay out of bankruptcy.  And I realize, that there are certain things in life that are not openly discussed: finances, weight, and what our deepest insecurities/fears are.  And for me, these 3 things are all very intertwined.  

The whole idea for this blog is about accountability.  Accountability to myself first and foremost.  I want to be able to see my successes and recognize the areas I struggle in, and need improvement.  And I have realized that I can't succeed without being accountable.  Really, why else would I put my weight on the page?!?!?!?

So here I am, in my mid-20's and I am going to change my life.  I have spent the majority of my life being overweight to a certain extent, and I don't want to be this way forever.  It's not about being a certain size, or looking a certain way, but I want to be healthy.  I want to recognize this issue now before I gain more, and I want to make a lifestyle change.  And I want to be healthier so I can do all the adventures I have always wanted to do.  I want to do a 10km run.  I want to climb the grouse grind.  And currently I can't do either of those things, but I promise, once day I will.  I want to pay off my debts are quickly as possible, at the same time not sacrificing my life.  And I want to be transparent, in the best sense of the word.  I don't want to hide my insecurities, my fears, my thoughts which at times are tainted.  I want to say this is me, and I struggle with life at times, and I cry, and I mess up, but I am working on figuring life out.  This is the journey of my life.